Hitting Bottom

At first,

it felt marvelous. 

The way the salty air filled my nostrils and brushed my hair,

the melody of the sirens calling me in.

To be drowned by the sand and your hand reaching for me.

The deep darkness.

But oh wait! No.

There were stars, 

they looked at me.

And they stared at my soul,

like your eyes.

You reached for the bottom of the ocean,

but it’s currents prevented you from following.

But oh! You didn’t give up.

I need you,

don’t give up.

I was there drowning,

the weight of the world anchoring me into the never-ending wan,

the crystal clear crowding my lungs.

I got a glimpse of the empyrean. 

But it wasn’t what I desired,

to be there,

without a last glance of your sienna eyes,

without a last stroke from your rugged hands,

with a taste from your altruistic lips.

A rage stormed in my matter.

I didn’t wanted to be submerged into oblivion,

to have my thoughts suffocated and my heart violated,

to put down the butterflies that have been living in my stomach for so long.

The thought of my voice being muffle by briny bubbles

made me aware that they’ve been wanting to come home,

to burst out of my jaw and finally land on your blossom lips.

And suddenly,

it didn’t felt marvelous.

So I reached for your hand

and you pulled me out from delusion

and the butterflies were finally home.

Because to have you was so much better than knocking on deaths door. 

My Condolences

My condolences,

I feel what you don’t feel

for your heart has died,

and your soul has turned dark

 

My condolences,

for I opened your windows

hoping for life, shocked

shouldn’t have stared at them waxed eyes

 

My condolences,

I have felt your royal skin,

for those frigid hands

will never feel what I feel

 

My condolences,

for your face has no smile

and with sore eyes

my wet lips kissed you goodbye

Resurrection

Skin on skin

lips and cheeks

tongue and teeth

they collide

aaaaaa

We choke on our kiss

and hug on our dreams

I’m up on my feet

grounded no more

aaaaa

Warm bed

cold heart

ivory eyes

stirred mind

Sweet Dreams

I am aware of my lonelyness,

there is no need for a reminder.

It is stuck in my head,

in my guts,

in my eyes,

in my chest,

even under my nails.

I don’t mind being lonely,

except,

that I do. 

I do mind the emptyness,

the hollow inside.

Inside my hands,

inside my hair,

even in my knees.

Nothing,

and everything.

Bare tears,

cheeks stretching upward.

I can still feel it,

the sweet dream,

of nonexistence lips.

An Act of Boldness

How can I tell her that I like her?

How can I tell him that I like him?

That the sole action of looking at his smile makes me smile.

Her smile.

I look for myself in her mind, but I’m scared that I might not find me.

He is always in my mind.

I know the kindness in his eyes.

Her eyes.

He is a character in my book, but I don’t know the language.

I want to learn her language.

I occasionally run into him.

We share polite hello’s on our fugitive encounters.

Hello.

I gain warm courage.

I stare, warming.

Her bewithching gaze, would you stay and chat?

I stay.

We stumble on heart-to-heart, yet, we linger.

I pour my heart, and yet, he lingers.

Now.

Now.

I know her, but oh!, how can I tell her that I like her?

I know him, but oh!, how can I tell him that I like him?

I just need an act of boldness.

Risk it all, no reasoning.

I like you.

I like you.

SHE

She,
Who has worked her way into my heart,
Who will never leave me in the dark.
Deathly start.

She,
The only one that can break me apart,
The only one in my mind.
Deathly bite.

She,
Covered with courageous thoughts, 
Covered with splendid stars.
Deathly stare.

She,
Will never be alone,
Will never stray along.
Deathly end.

Invisible

There SHE is. I enter the room and my eyes just lock with hers, just for a second. Today she has her nose in a new, old book. She reads fast. I can see her eyes moving, but most of the time they don’t look at my way, they just go zig-zagging through the lonly pages that she reads, a Starbucks coffe in her right hand, warming. I thought that maybe I should talk to her, say a “hello” or something about what she’s reading, but her eyes never leave the yellow pages of that old book. She has her legs crossed and when she shifts to change her position for a second, just for a second, she looks at my direction, caughts me staring at her and smiles. God, her smile. And those beautiful eyes. I should go there and make my move, okay I will. Better say something instead of being invisible…

  There HE is. He enters the room and the first thing I do is look at his eyes. Our stare locks, just for a second. And for that second I go back to my reading, but I can’t concentrate, so I just keep my eyes on my book and make like I’m reading, moving my eyes too fast. I think of my Starbucks coffe on my right hand, warming. I think that he’s staring, but my eyes never leave my book, it must be my mind playing with my heart, because the girl with the book is never notice and maybe he’s just looking at what I’m reading. The chair feels uncomfortable and I shift my position and in that second I steal a moment to look at him and he’s staring, so I just smile and I feel him smiling. God, his smile. And his eyes. Shit, he’s standing up and going to my direction. Well, better say something instead of being invisible…

“I am lonely, but I am not alone”

I dedicate this post to the director and writter of the movie “One Day”, who ever you are, you made me weep and remember…
When I was in 10th grade I used to write a lot of poems. By then they were all about love, finding love, being in love, rejection, friends, being yourself, etc. The thing is that most of what I wrote I never had the chance to really feel it. If you understand me please raise your hand! I don’t know how to describe the feelings I felt while I was writing those poems, I mean they were good, really good. But they were sad, really sad. It is odd reading them now, I have flashbacks of those days I went on writing poetry and how love was pouring from those pages, but right now I realize that I’ve been pouring love since then. I sleep thinking that I may never fall in love and I wake up thinking of that day that I realize that I was in love, but never told. Strange, how you let the most intelligeble person slip through your fingers. He would have understand. I could have told him “I love you” and even if he just loved me as a friend, he would have make me feel good, not heartbroken, because at least I would not be pouring love right now for someone that has become out of reach. But I understand, love will come soon. And just like in the movie, “I am lonely, but I am not alone“

Heartache: Prologue

Before I start writing about love, first got to say that I haven’t posted book reviews because I have some problems with my computer. Right now I’m writing from my phone, ’cause I really need to write something, I need to write about love. It’s such a necessity to let people know that they are not the only ones who suffer from long term crushes. Those crushes on a person that you know will never happen, a friend, the one, almost perfect; but it will never happen ’cause you will never express what you feel, not just to your best friend, but to the person you’re crushing on. These crushes that literally personify the term given to them, ’cause looking at them crushes your heart. Now I end this babbling to start a love story that I hope It ends well…in time…

Have you ever fallen in love? Has someone fallen for you? I’ve been in love, but never have been the person to be loved. It is ridiculous and exasperating to know that someone out there, someone you know might have a crush on you, but that person is one of those who will always think that to confess his or her love for you will ruin your friendship. And they’re right…

Something you should know is that I love love. Is that possible? I have never fallen for someone that feels the same for me and I am in love with the tought of love. I’ve been crushing on this guy since 10th grade. Now, I’m a senior, soon to be 18 and still haven’t been able to make a move and tell my crush how I feel when he hugs me. It’s hard for a shy girl and more when one of her best friends is always pushing her to do things she would never do. Leah is always lecturing me about love, my love life. She tinks I’ll die a virgin, what she doesn’t understands is that love doesn’t ends in high school, that we have other opportunities in life, but she wants me to at least get the feeling of been in love and be heartbroken before we graduate. She wants me to know all the consequences that come with love. She’s right, I do want to fall in love and and get my heart broken before we separate and at least have some experience for when I go to college. It won’t be hard to tell my crush my feelings. I mean, he’s a gentleman! Also good looking, has this beautiful smile and God, his lovely chocolate eyes! He has this bottomless stare, when you look at his eyes it’s like looking directly at the Milkyway. Ok, got a bit carried away, sorry. But the thing is that he is not just appearance, he is also wonderful by heart. But oh boy, was I wrong. This will not be easy, because… He is my other best friend.

Yeah I know, how cliché. The girl who falls for her best friend. But when I am with him I feel different, I feel warm, I feel the sun in my face, I feel air in my stomach. I’ve never felt something like this. But sometimes, it just hurts, beacause I know I will never have the guts to tell him how I really feel, I will never be able to push myself to do that. I am a coward. I will grow old, have someone in my life and never be over him. And I will see him with other girls, get invited to his weding, maybe he’ll have two wedings, because the first one will be a snot and he’ll find at the altar. I’ll never be able to object. It will hurt in the future and it hurts now. It hurts, it hurts deeply, it hurts in my heart’s heart and I want it to stop.

The DUFF by Kody Keplinger

 I recently read Kody Keplinger first novel, The DUFF, and I decided to dedicate this post to her. There’s not a bibliography site of Kepliger’s yet, but of all we know, she was born and raise in western Kentucky and her first novel was The DUFF. She wrote during her senior year of high school and now she lives in New York City, where she writes full-time.

 The DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) is a novel about this seventeen year old girl, named Bianca, who has been label by the womanizer of the school, Wesley, as the DUFF!. The DUFF is the friend that makes her friends look good, and even though Bianca loves her friends, now thanks to Wesley, she cannot stop thinking about that word! Bianca is torn out, her parents are thinking in divorce, her dad might go back into drinking and she couldn’t hate Wesley more by enhancing her insecurities. Even though she has always hated Wesley, she finds herself kissing him to escape all her problems! Everything turns sideways, Bianca, while trying to get distracted with Wesley, gets to know him better and finds out he’s not what meets the eye! Will she be able to escape her problems and not fall for the guy she hates the most?

I loved this book till the end! The author, Kody Keplinger, when she wrote this novel she was eighteen! And it is something to admire, because she is a young adult, writing for young adults! She clearly knows what it is to be a teenager and guides us into a world, where we girls, can self-evaluate the way we think about ourselves and how we feel about our body. But also she makes questionable choices: if we really should use someone to escape our problems and push our friends aside and not seek help from a counselor. Keplinger introduces us into a sexy, smart and funny novel, where we learn to love ourselves and face our problems. One day, I hope to write a novel this young to impact people’s life.

 I heard the book is going to be a movie. I saw the trailer and for what I could get, it didn’t captivate the story of the book. Well, I hope I am wrong and they don’t change the main conflict of the story. Okay, now I leave you guys and I totally recommend this book to anyone who wants to dive in into a story that’s sexy and funny, but still kinda girly.