“I am lonely, but I am not alone”

I dedicate this post to the director and writter of the movie “One Day”, who ever you are, you made me weep and remember…
When I was in 10th grade I used to write a lot of poems. By then they were all about love, finding love, being in love, rejection, friends, being yourself, etc. The thing is that most of what I wrote I never had the chance to really feel it. If you understand me please raise your hand! I don’t know how to describe the feelings I felt while I was writing those poems, I mean they were good, really good. But they were sad, really sad. It is odd reading them now, I have flashbacks of those days I went on writing poetry and how love was pouring from those pages, but right now I realize that I’ve been pouring love since then. I sleep thinking that I may never fall in love and I wake up thinking of that day that I realize that I was in love, but never told. Strange, how you let the most intelligeble person slip through your fingers. He would have understand. I could have told him “I love you” and even if he just loved me as a friend, he would have make me feel good, not heartbroken, because at least I would not be pouring love right now for someone that has become out of reach. But I understand, love will come soon. And just like in the movie, “I am lonely, but I am not alone“

Heartache: Prologue

Before I start writing about love, first got to say that I haven’t posted book reviews because I have some problems with my computer. Right now I’m writing from my phone, ’cause I really need to write something, I need to write about love. It’s such a necessity to let people know that they are not the only ones who suffer from long term crushes. Those crushes on a person that you know will never happen, a friend, the one, almost perfect; but it will never happen ’cause you will never express what you feel, not just to your best friend, but to the person you’re crushing on. These crushes that literally personify the term given to them, ’cause looking at them crushes your heart. Now I end this babbling to start a love story that I hope It ends well…in time…

Have you ever fallen in love? Has someone fallen for you? I’ve been in love, but never have been the person to be loved. It is ridiculous and exasperating to know that someone out there, someone you know might have a crush on you, but that person is one of those who will always think that to confess his or her love for you will ruin your friendship. And they’re right…

Something you should know is that I love love. Is that possible? I have never fallen for someone that feels the same for me and I am in love with the tought of love. I’ve been crushing on this guy since 10th grade. Now, I’m a senior, soon to be 18 and still haven’t been able to make a move and tell my crush how I feel when he hugs me. It’s hard for a shy girl and more when one of her best friends is always pushing her to do things she would never do. Leah is always lecturing me about love, my love life. She tinks I’ll die a virgin, what she doesn’t understands is that love doesn’t ends in high school, that we have other opportunities in life, but she wants me to at least get the feeling of been in love and be heartbroken before we graduate. She wants me to know all the consequences that come with love. She’s right, I do want to fall in love and and get my heart broken before we separate and at least have some experience for when I go to college. It won’t be hard to tell my crush my feelings. I mean, he’s a gentleman! Also good looking, has this beautiful smile and God, his lovely chocolate eyes! He has this bottomless stare, when you look at his eyes it’s like looking directly at the Milkyway. Ok, got a bit carried away, sorry. But the thing is that he is not just appearance, he is also wonderful by heart. But oh boy, was I wrong. This will not be easy, because… He is my other best friend.

Yeah I know, how cliché. The girl who falls for her best friend. But when I am with him I feel different, I feel warm, I feel the sun in my face, I feel air in my stomach. I’ve never felt something like this. But sometimes, it just hurts, beacause I know I will never have the guts to tell him how I really feel, I will never be able to push myself to do that. I am a coward. I will grow old, have someone in my life and never be over him. And I will see him with other girls, get invited to his weding, maybe he’ll have two wedings, because the first one will be a snot and he’ll find at the altar. I’ll never be able to object. It will hurt in the future and it hurts now. It hurts, it hurts deeply, it hurts in my heart’s heart and I want it to stop.